Surviving seems to be the goal over the holidays. Seeing if we can just make it through the holidays and get to the end is the goal.
Getting to the place of thriving over the holidays can seem unattainable. Thriving can seem unreachable, because of all we have come to believe we must DO each holiday season.
How about imaging thriving as the goal? What would that look like?
Slowing down.
Be Mindful.
Spend money in a reasonable manner.
Use your time in a way that is enlivening.
I have been imagining (and practicing) how I can thrive this holiday.
Let’s start by looking at how is stress and overwhelm is showing up for you.
Start by identifying what the overwhelm looks like.
Some helpful ways to connect with overwhelm is to journal and meditate. Get quiet to see how the stress and overwhelm are showing up for you.
Are you responding to others’ expectations of you?
You might be feeling the need to always say yes. Thinking this is tradition. This is “what we always do.” Expectations can be overwhelming.
Are you feeling scared about being around food?
Wondering how much food will there be? Will I eat too much? Will I be judged. Will I drink too much?
Are you feeling bad about your body and how you look.
Feeling afraid others will notice your size and comment on it or disapprove of it? Or you just do not feel comfortable in your own skin.
How is stress showing up in your body?
Stress can show up as sickness or feeling physically bad.
Are you feeling fearful of not having enough time or money.
Time and money are limited resources and this time of year we think we have more than we actually do.
Money can become a problem when we rely on credit cards to pay, and we go into debt. Time becomes a problem when we do not plan well and become reactive.
Next, make a plan to manage the stress.
A great technique is to ask yourself, “What is the stress and overwhelm trying to tell me?”
The feelings are informative and can provide a guidepost if you let it. Then sink into the question, “What do I really want?”
I recently became sick, and I asked my body what it was trying to tell me. I realized I was too overscheduled, and my body was saying I needed to rest more. The sickness MADE me have to rest and I did.
It can be helpful to plan to incorporate food into your holiday. Food can be a huge trigger this time of year.
A helpful strategy is to eat 3 meals a day. Eat what you normally eat. Don’t save up for the “big meal,” because this is a set up to restrict/binge/shame. When we do not eat regularly, our body thinks we are restricting, and it will lead you to crave food and overeat.
You might wonder if you need to say no to sugary treats?
Not allowing yourself to have sugary treats can set you up to binge. If you deny what you want ultimately when emotions show up, you will have less resolve to not eat the sugary foods. Instead of denying yourself, allow yourself to have what you want. When you are eating regular meals and allowing yourself treats, there is less likelihood that you will binge. If you do binge, forgive yourself and move on. Being stuck in anger and resentment about overeating will NEVER lead to a change in behavior.
Set limits on others AND yourself? Say no to what does not work for you.
This is the time of expectations other can have of us. What is it that you want to do? Do that!
Where is your NO to other people? What will you do, and won’t you do? I think it is a time to have more no’s than yes’. It is ok to say no to a past family tradition, if they are not what you want this year. Doing things for others because we think we have to leads to overwhelm and stress. Let’s do it differently this year.
Lastly, we tend to put expectations on ourselves. We think we need to bake, clean, buy, go out, etc. We think we need to maintain holiday traditions. Take a deep breath and determine if this still fits for you. Say no when you need to.
This holiday is an opportunity to thrive.
First, focus on what is right for you? Yes, you can be limited in the activities that you do. Time is a limited resource, use it wisely.
I have decided I want more rest and peace this holiday season. Being in front of the twinkling lights is thriving for me.
Second, coping strategies are really thriving strategies. Say no as you need to. Ask for what you want. Set your expectations on time and money. Eliminate the stressors. Take that internal check to see what stresses you and find a way to let go of the stressor.
Third, what is your reason for the season?
What is this holiday about for you?
What do you want to be, do, have after the holiday?
What do you want to come away with after the holiday? Focus on making this happen.
My desire for this holiday is to experience more peace, light, joy, and love. My plans for this holiday are designed to meet that desired goal.
Lastly, be intentional about this holiday to get all the goodness out of it.
Whether you are satisfied or not is very personal and individual: each person is different and has different requirements. We have often learned to deny our satisfaction, especially when we have been following the diet culture. In order to look at satisfaction better, let’s examine the definition of satisfaction.
The dictionary defines satisfaction as the “fulfillment of one’s wishes, expectations, or needs, or the pleasure derived from this.”
Can you imagine looking at food as a fulfillment of your wishes, expectations or needs?
Could you see yourself being ok with getting pleasure from food? Often the answer to these questions is NO. Why? We are not allowing ourselves to get pleasure from food.
Intuitive eating asks us to look at the ‘satisfaction factor.” Meaning we chose food because it is satisfying to us! How radical is that?
Have you ever considered how to be more satisfied with food? Let’s examine this further.
Increasing satisfaction with food is a multipronged approach.
Consider some of the qualities you can use to determine food satisfaction:
Texture: Is the food hard, smooth, crunchy?
Smell: Is the food pleasant smelling?
Sound: What is the sound when you bite into the food item?
Temperature: Is the food hot, spicy, cold, frozen, or room temperature?
Flavor: Is the food yummy, bland, awful, ok?
Appearance: What does the food look like? Does it look appealing?
Do you get full with this food?
What are your surroundings? Appealing, attractive or bland?
We tend to discard the satisfaction factor, because we have been trained that if the food is appealing, yummy, filling: then it must be “bad” food. Meaning the food is high in calories, fat, etc. In order for food to be “good” food it should be diet food, which is low calories, low fat or fitting into whatever diet you are on.
When you eat diet food, wonder how satisfying is it really? The diet-binge-shame cycle will lead you to ultimately overeat, if you continue to eat foods that are not satisfying.
To increase your satisfaction further consider the following questions:
Do you taste your food?
Eat too fast?
Eat when you are too hungry?
Eat past enjoyment?
Do you enjoy your food?
How can you increase your Food Satisfaction and Intuitive Eating?
What do I really want to eat? This is great starting question. You can, also, look at the food qualities listed above, like:
How will this food sound?
Does the food look appealing?
How will this food feel in my mouth? Do I want it to be hot or cold?
How will my body feel when I am done eating this?
How will I feel emotionally when I am done?
Start eating from gentle hunger.
Be sure to enjoy your food.
After you eat, reflect on the food/satiety.
Did the food meet my needs?
Am I satisfied?
Did I end up not eating what I really wanted?
Satisfaction with food is one way out of overeating and into intuitive eating. When you are satisfied with the food you feel better physically, emotionally, and mentally.
Being present with feeling of food satisfaction is a great gift you can give yourself.
Take some time today, focus on satisfaction with your food. See how it helps you get in touch with your body, so then you are not overeating.
If you are struggling with food and overeating, check out my program Emotional Eating Solutions. You do not have to struggle anymore.
Are you afraid to have it in the house because you will overeat it?
Do you wish you did not have to worry about candy?
I have been hearing for weeks that people have bought their BAGS of Halloween candy and have eaten it all!
Has this happened to you?
Possibly you have not bought the candy yet, because you are afraid you will eat it all. I know… you wait until Halloween to buy it, but end up eating way more than you want or you eat (sneak) your kid’s candy.
I have had a love/hate relationship with Halloween and all the candy that goes along with it.
I understand this dilemma, because I used to spend Halloween evening at the gym to avoid buying the candy and worrying that I would eat it all. I was scared of Halloween candy, not the scary costumes!
I decided that I had to make peace with food and especially with candy since my husband and daughter love Halloween: they Trick or Treat while I pass out the candy. I have written about my struggle with Halloween candy on my blogs and will talk about it more on my Feed Your Soul with Kim Podcast.
An idea yesterday that I would make available to all of you (and anyone else who signs up) for my FREE Overeating Halloween Candy: Have Peace with Food video series going over how to have peace with Halloween candy.
Here is what you get:
A 6 video series that is short and gives you what you need to deal with Halloween candy.
Powerful take aways from the videos as well as doables to get you into action.
As far as I am concerned the holiday season starts October 1. I call this time of year the Holiday Trifecta: Three major holidays in quick succession. In October there is Halloween, in November there is Thanksgiving, and in December there is Christmas; it is the 3 months of over indulgence, letting loose and overeating. It is, also, the time of feeling bad about our bodies, disconnecting from the true meaning of the holidays, as well as it is the time of extreme eating. During this time of year, we can tend to eat (overeat) all the foods we avoid the other times of the year. It is the sanctioned 3 months of allowable overeating.
People, in general, ask me all the time why they overeat.
When they talk about the overeating, they talk about the frustration, anxiety and feeling terrible about themselves. I tell them there is the buildup of not allowing themselves to eat (dieting/restricting), then they overeat, and in the end feeling bad about overeating (guilt). It is a vicious cycle. I speak with people daily who go through this cycle on a regular basis. The holiday time is different because the foods we restrict throughout the year become fair game. As we eat those “special” holiday foods, we can allow ourselves to overeat.
The holidays, individually, are not bad in and of themselves. Halloween Day you can have some candy. Thanksgiving Day you can have some turkey, gravy and mashed potatoes. Christmas Day you can have some cookies and sweets. Those individual holiday days are not the problem. One meal of overeating is not a big deal; the problem is all the other days and meals in between the actual holiday day (the Holiday Trifecta).
Often the answer to all of this overeating is, come January 1 – “I will go on a diet” or “I’ll think about it on January 1 at the New Year.” During the 3 month Holiday Trifecta, There are many days of overeating that you end up feeling bad about yourself and bad about your body (hence leading you to think you need to diet/restrict come January 1).
Let’s be honest with ourselves. What happens when we allow ourselves to overeat at the holiday time?
We tend to:
Become more and more disconnected from our bodies and ourselves. Mindless about how we are really feeling.
Feel bad in our bodies feel bad. Physically we have an upset stomach, bloating and weight gain.
Start disliking ourselves and feel bad about ourselves. People often tell me that after they overeat they hate themselves.
Suffer emotionally, feeling angry, frustrated and overwhelmed.
Think about food more often than not and that bothers us.
The problems and suffering with overeating is REAL. I am here to tell you there is a better way. A way to peace with food.
Here are some simple suggestions.
Take a deep breath. Cam and anxiety cannot exist together. Breathe as you think about eating and as you are eating. It gets you to reconnect with your body.
Notice your bodily signals about hunger and fullness. Ask yourself, “Am I hungry?” before you eat is a great first step.
Allow more self-care. This is the season of letting our needs go to the wayside, don’t let that happen!
Get support. I am not talking about going on whatever the current diet fad being promoted on Yahoo or Facebook. Find someone who helps you find peace with food and can put you in touch with strategies to put food in its proper place as nourishment.
It is important to know that during the Holiday Trifecta it can be so enjoyable with all of the gatherings, festivities and decorations, but it is also loaded with difficulties.
The difficulties can make the good times less enjoyable, because you are worried and feeling bad. Start by noticing how you are feeling and what you are saying to yourself. If there is negativity or worry, it could be time to get that support to help you feel more peaceful.
During this Holiday Trifecta time period, I there are options to travel down the road towards peace with food. You do not have to feel overwhelmed with food anymore this holiday season! You’ve got this!
allowing themselves to eat (dieting/restricting), then they overeat, and in the end feeling bad about overeating (guilt). It is a vicious cycle. I speak with people daily who go through this cycle on a regular basis. The holiday time is different because the foods we restrict throughout the year become fair game. As we eat those “special” holiday foods, we can allow ourselves to overeat.
