I have many memories of struggling with food over the holidays.
When I was single, I feared having food (specifically candy) in the house. At Halloween time I would buy a bag of candy my thought was to use it on Halloween, but that never happened. I always ate it. It wasn’t that I just ate it. I ate it all and felt so ashamed. I was convinced that I could not stop.
I came up with a plan…
I would go to the gym on Halloween night. I don’t know if you have been to the gym on Halloween night- there are not many people there. I thought it was the only way that I could stop myself from overeating on candy. If I was not home to give out candy, they I would not have to buy the candy. It was my way of not binging on candy. It worked if I did not buy the candy.
When I returned home from the gym, I would sneak into the house, go upstairs, and watch television with the lights out so no one would knock on my door. I did not feel brave enough to tell them I had no candy, I wanted to avoid the whole scene.
I then married a man who loved to give out candy on Halloween. He bought the candy and did not open the bag before Halloween. On Halloween he ate few pieces and took the rest to the office to share with his co-workers.
I have learned that it is ok to have candy in the house and I do not have to be afraid of it. It does not call my name like it used to. I used to feel compelled to eat the candy or any sweets if it was in the house. My head would say, you know you are going to eat it, just do it. I was convinced that I had no control over candy.
I learned about Intuitive Eating.
It took me time and effort to feel freedom with candy. It is doable. We now have candy in the house, and it does not call to me. I do not think about it, and I have it when I want it. It is not a struggle anymore.
I have been creating my newest program Peace with Food Over the Holidays and have been looking at what does help to release the grip food and sweets can have on us. Interestingly, it is not all focused on how to manage food. Food is one of the many components that lead to peace with food.
In order to have Peace with Food Over the Holidays we need to look at:
Physical: How to look at food/candy differently. There are simple tweaks that can make you feel so much more successful.
Emotional- How to deal with emotions that surely come up over the holiday season.
Mental: Those thoughts about food can be overwhelming. Finding some tools to manage them is critical.
Lifestyle/Social: Learning how to say no and set boundaries is crucial.
Mindfulness: How can you get quiet with yourself when there are so many competing priorities AND you are not one of them?
Self-Love: What do you really need? If you were going to be loving to yourself, what would you do?
Notice that only one component is focused on the physical, which includes food! The reason why it feels so hard to put food in its place as nourishment is because we focus on food and generally it is on restricting food.
Food restriction does not work.
What works is bringing balance and synergy to all of the components. I will not lie to you; it does take effort to learn and practice this new way. It is worth it, and it does work.
As an end note…
I now happily give out candy to our neighbor kids. I do not feel afraid when my daughter brings home her Halloween candy. I have a piece and it is not a big deal.
Do you find you are already thinking about candy? It is front and center in the grocery stores. I have already heard stories of people buying candy in September and eating all of it.
This is your opportunity to look at this holiday season, which I lovingly call the Holiday Trifecta, differently. The holiday trifecta is the time between October 1 and January 1 where we can be tempted by food. This is 3 months of pressure, stress and overwhelm.
Here are some ways to handle food over the holiday season:
Don’t keep candy in the house?
Think you won’t overeat during a holiday meal and then despite your best intention you overeat to the point of feeling sick.
Plan to overeat this holiday and deal with it (weight gain) January 1 when you plan to go on your diet.
Plan to restrict your food intake over the holidays. Well, maybe not we all know how well that can work after the second week in October????.
The saying “failing to plan means you’re planning to fail” takes on a whole new meaning when we look at the holiday season. We think we will do it the RIGHT way (whatever that is) and not have problems with food.
The difficulty is the plan is around food not around all the areas that lead us to overeat. This is the season of the special foods, the one we do not have all year. The ones we wait all year for (hello Pumpkin Spiced Latte). We want a lot of the special food because we feel deprived of them the rest of the year.
This deprivation mimics when we are on a diet, and we say we can’t have something. We engage in diet type behavior all year when we don’t have these special foods and then at the holidays, we overeat them. One of my wins is to realize that we can have mashed potatoes anytime, it does not have to just be at Thanksgiving. Allowing the food when we want it makes it part of our normal routine.
To move through this time, it can be helpful to have a plan:
How will I address food?
How will I address my emotions?
How will I address my thoughts?
How will I address my social obligations, including family members?
How will I create peace?
How will I act in a loving way towards myself?
All the above questions lead to the overwhelm. This plan does not have to be vast, but it must be in the forefront of your mind.
There is a better way.
The starting spot can be answering the questions we addressed earlier. Make a conscious choice to make it a peaceful holiday season AND enjoy yourself.
I just saw a video from Jimmy Kimmel of an annual prank where he encourages parents to video themselves telling their kids that they ate all of the kids Halloween candy. I must admit it was funny to see the kids have such expressive (sad, mad) reactions. It also made me think of the torment some of us experience after the kids go Trick or Treating and now we are faced with lots of candy in the house or left over candy bought to give out to the kids. This situation can be really difficult for anyone with emotional eating issues. Just having the candy in the house can lead to overeating, obsessive thoughts (“do I eat it or don’t I”) and wondering how we can hide that we ate the candy.
Emotional eating means we eat to help ourselves deal with emotions, and some emotions can revolve around the fear of having candy in the house. We can become sneaky and shame ridden when we do eat someone else’s Halloween candy or eat more than we think we should. When I was a child, I remember taking some of my brothers Halloween candy. He would ask who took it and I did not tell the truth. He then started to count the candy and then I could not keep taking it without being caught. I felt ashamed that I engaged in that kind of behavior and did not tell the truth about it.
I consider Halloween as the start of the holiday season, which can be very challenging for emotional eaters. Sugar can often be the go to choice when emotions arise. Now we are done with Halloween, but not with the candy. There is a full bowl of it in my house and it is now not a concern for me. If you struggle with this like I have (read more on my Halloween story here), let me give you some tips to get through it.
I like to tell myself, “It is not mine to take or eat.” That thought keeps me out of my child’s candy. Think up a statement that you will tell yourself which can help redirect you or use mine.
Do you really need that much candy in the house? Local dentists collect (and sometimes pay for) candy which they send to the troops. Engage your child (if it is their candy) in the idea we have plenty and we can share or make it a rule that we only keep a certain amount and the rest we give away. It is nice to give others a sweet treat.
Ask yourself why you really want the candy. Sounds simple, but some moments of questioning ourselves, our feelings, and our desire to have the candy can help use become more mindful of our decisions.
These tips can be very effective in the short term process of managing the thoughts and behaviors around sweets. Since this is the start of the holiday season, really consider a plan of action for yourself for the next 2 months. Developing an understanding of your emotional eating and a plan of action is a great way to start the holidays. It is possible to have an enjoyable holiday without the struggle over food.
Have some tips about how you handle leftover Halloween candy? Let us know in the comments below.
Kim McLaughlin, MA is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist who specializes in helping people with eating issues and eating disorders. If you are concerned that about overeating, weight or your use of food in general please contact her here. Sign up for her FREE Top Tips to End Emotional Eatinghere. Check out her website at www.FeedYourSoulTherapy.com.
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